The Call Lists

Telemarketers. They're more often annoying than helpful, more unwelcome than welcome, but I never considered exactly HOW those people go a hold of my family's contact information. Well, it seems there are Telemarketing Lists that are actually compiled and sold to companies.

You see, there's a company called ResponseCom, that "is the result of decades of tracking, compiling, and optimizing data merged into one vast database of proven direct mail responders." As a result, they offer customized mailing lists, telemarketing lists, and fax lists for all those pesky advertisers to call you from and beg for just a couple minutes of your time.

So thaaaaaat's how they do it...

Laptop Woes

I need a new laptop. My "old" one, a Gateway, needs a new motherboard. It will cost me $400 to get it fixed, and the refurbished computer only cost about $500 to begin with. I figure it's time to update. Unfortunately my budget this time around is once again $500, and I'm not willing to go the refurb route again. It seems that means I'll have to settle for an off-brand computer.

So, I have a question for you, my readers. Do you have any experience with off-brand computers like Acer, or Everex? The specs include a 512MB memory and 80GB hard drive, the same as my current laptop, I just worry about the performance of the computer...

Ladies

I love ladybugs. They're so delicate, bright, and non-threatening. One thing I do often in the summer is rescue ladybugs (and other bugs) from drowning in our back yard pool. A seemingly tiny task, inconsequential, but I enjoy it. I've been finding it harder and harder to kill or let bugs die in the past year or so, I think it might be a result of losing so many pets at once. Anyway. ladybugs are great to photograph too...

Dental (Shudder)

Whenever I have a dentist appointment, whether it's for something as big as a tooth extraction (hey, that's a HUGE deal to me!), or something as "small" as a cleaning, I freak out. I'll contemplate in my mind what I could do to get out of such an appointment like getting sick, having to go out of town, or losing a limb...When my mom used to drive me to appointments, I'd actually consider hopping out of the car at a stop sign or a red light and running off, but I was too much of a good girl to do so.

Phobia? Yes, I think so.

In my twisted little mind, people like charles brown dds pc are of the devil, but dentists really do good work. At least, that's what everyone else says. And it is important to have a healthy mouth, to maintain hygeine and all that. So, if you're ever in Alexandria, Virginia and need a dentist, consider the guy. After all, Hayfield Dental Care has been in business for twenty years. They must be doing something right...

Blue Skies

I took this photo today (Could probably stand to be a bit sharper). The sky was gorgeous, big puffy clouds on a vivid blue backdrop. I could stare at the sky for hours, day or night. There's just so much to look at, so much beyond the blue, so many stars.

Gerd? Neek?

There are a few things that make me a Geek. And a Nerd, I suppose. Maybe I should do some research on the difference between the two.

Anyway.

The most obvious thing that makes me deserving of the above titles is my love for Star Trek. Yes, Star Trek! Looking at me, one might not guess it, but it's true. I adore The Next Generation and, just recently, have grown quite fond of Deep Space Nine and Voyager. Star Trek has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, so I find it quite comforting to watch...and to read. Yeah, I read those cheesy Star Trek books even though the majority is quite badly written. I own the Star Trek Encyclopedia, The Star Trek TNG Companion, and even a jigsaw puzzle book for Star Trek TNG. I love it!

Another thing would be my love of photography, and through that, my sheer joy at the idea of a new piece of photography equipment. Did I mention I'm getting two new lenses? Hm? Did I?! THEY'RE SCHEDULED TO COME ON FRIDAY!!!

And one more (but I really don't think the last) reason? Harry Potter. Now, since HP is a widely adored franchise, I'm much safer disclosing my love of the series in a room full of people than I am proclaiming the fact that I only want to go to Las Vegas to see the Star Trek Experience. However, unlike many my age, I did not come to enjoy Harry Potter and his friends until about my senior year in high school...maybe a little later. And now, I want to BE Harry Potter, I want to live his adventures, I MADE MYSELF A WAND.

That's right, my friends. I'm a Geek/Nerd and proud of it!!

To Vacate...

When I go on vacation, I hate the idea of staying in a motel room. They're so stark and uncomfortable, I don't think I could ever really relax. When I was growing up, we always went on vacation to Winter Park, Colorado and rented a condo. It was so great! We had a living room, full kitchen, two bedrooms, and two bathrooms. The condo was also in an area that was part of a clubhouse containing a pool, hot tubs, indoor courts, weight rooms, and tennis courts. It was so convenient and it felt like a home away from home.

I think vacation rentals are a great idea, especially with a family. It's so much nicer for everyone to have their own space at the end of the day instead of being stuck in a tiny room with two beds and a television. A great place for a family to have such a place would be in the Florida area. In Orlando, there's so many family oriented activities, that having a florida vacation rental year after year would be very convenient. I don't know about you, but after a long day of riding amusement park rides, dining out, and shopping, I'd love to have a familiar place to settle.

Pretty Peoples

I'm in one of those moods where all I want to do is curl up on the couch and watch some movie or tv show with a really hot guy in it and let myself forget the reality of rejection, insecurity, and all that negative stuff. I'm sure anyone can relate to those feelings. If not, you live in quite the delusional little world.

A few of my picks for hot guy shows and movies:

The Lost Room - Peter Krause's character, Joe Miller, is looking for his little girl that disappeared in a magical room in this Sci Fi Channel Miniseries. His character is witty, compassionate, and mellow. Plus, he's got some pretty nice stubble goin' on, and looks mighty good in a leather jacket. :P

Ghost Whisperer - Main Character Melinda Gordon's husband, Jim Clancy, is a good looking paramedic with an unbelievable sense of humanity, and is just so good to his wife that it'll make any woman want a clone of him.

Criss Angel: Mindfreak - Okay, this one might be more of a matter of specific taste than the other two, but if you're into a dark haired gothic-type guy with crazy artistic talent (he's a magician!), a way with people, and who's undeniably genuine, you're gonna dig him.

Yeah, now I want to watch The Lost Room. Again. Sheesh.

Creativity

Just recently I've been feeling the urge to expand upon my artistic talents. Basically, I've just been focusing on my photography lately, and I'd really like to do some writing and possibly some drawing or painting. I find myself wishing it was November again - NaNoWriMo month. I know, I know, I could do writing without having NaNo pushing me, but the whole experience of writing 50,000 words in a month with thousands of other people, participating in the forums, and charting my progress was just such a rush, and I felt so purposeful, so part of a community. I can't wait to do it all again.

Hopefully once my laptop gets fixed and I can actually relax on the couch and write instead of sitting here in a stiff computer chair at a desk. As far as drawing or painting goes? I don't know. I haven't been able to really concentrate on that since I left high school. The colored pencil medium has been calling me though, so we'll see.

Schooling

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It's so hard for people to understand why I have no desire to "further my education" and I often hate being confronted with questions of why I decided not to do so. The answer is this: I like to self-teach and, having only interests in fields that don't strictly require a college education, I'm perfectly able to do that. Plus, I would never want to live in a dorm!

There are options, though, for a person that really does want that mba, but cannot attend traditional classes. It's called an online degree. According to my information, "Founded in 1993, Capella University is an accredited, fully online university that offers graduate degree programs in business, information technology, education, human services, and psychology, and bachelor’s degree programs in business and information technology."

These days, online schooling is becoming more and more acceptable and more and more reliable in the world. You can learn just as much, but on your own schedule and from your own home, so don't feel like you're taking a lesser course by attending an online university.

Splurge!

I mentioned in one of my paid postings that I just bought two lenses for my camera. Oh, and that I'm now broke. I know, with my desires to move out of the state, spending my money on new "toys" doesn't seem like the wisest thing to do, but those of you that are photographers like me completely understand. It's a great thing to own a DSLR camera. You have so much creative control, and you just plain look cool with that big piece of equipment around your neck. But the downside is that not only do we have to pay a large sum of money for the camera itself, but if we want to expand our photographic possibilties, we must also spend money on accessories like lenses. I, personally, don't have the money to be buying Canon brand lenses for my dear Jupiter (that's my camera's name), but that doesn't stop me from splurging on an off-brand, though well-reviewed lens or two.

Sure, I'm a little frustrated with myself that I just emptied my checking account, but I'm sooo excited to recieve my lenses in the mail and the thousands of photos that will be taken through them will be more than worth it!

Dismantled

I've recently developed an interest in taking electronics apart and photographing the innards. Just this weekend I took apart an old broken VCR. Here's a photo of the inside:



Then, I took apart an old TV that was given to my dad. Don't worry, he warned me about the potential charge still within the parts. I found the insides of the television fascinating. They had such a retro look outside of the black plastic box that surrounded it. Here's my photo of that as well:



Thoughts?

$$$

Forgive the bombardment of ad blogs, dear readers, but I just bought myself TWO new lenses for my camera, and now I am BROKE, since the rest of my money is dedicated to fixing my laptop.

I hate money. It's too important to too many people. It's so wrong to me that we need it to live, and we have to do things we don't like a lot of the time in order to earn it. My passions are in the arts. Many think the talents of an artist are extraordinary compared to the talents of say, a person with talents in a more business-like field. I think that's because creativity cannot be taught. You could learn all the technique in the world, but if you don't have that creativity in you, it'll get you nowhere as an artist.

So why is it so hard for an artist to make a living? I've been told that I'm a gifted photographer, yet my work doesn't sell. Almost every artist is a struggling artist. A starving artist. It's unfortunate.

Some would tell me to just give in and do what everyone else is doing. "Go to college and do something that will make you money." "Invest in something!" Sorry, but that's just not me. I want to be happy in what I do. And I'm actually incapable of just biting the bullet and taking a minimum wage job at McDonalds.

So, invest in gold coins? They say it's a great way to preserve wealth and power. Afterall, a shiny gold bar is quite alluring. You just purchase your gold or silver, and deposit it safely at the bank. I guess the government is a silver buyer now since giving up a "hoard" of silver from World War II. I just never understood the concept of investment.

Saturday

What to say, what to say, Dear Readers? It's been an interesting day. I had a garage sale, which is always a fascinating/exhausting experience, but got rid of lots of stuff and made some money, which is good. What I really don't understand though is, when a person makes a lower offer on an item even though they have more than enough money to pay the already low price. I had a hair straightener contraption with charger, instruction manual and video, barely used, priced at $8. The lady that wanted it offered $5 which I accepted. And then? She pulls out a one-hundred dollar bill to pay for it! She couldn't pay the extra three dollars?! Come ON. Another example is when someone makes an offer on an item claiming, "That's all the money I have!" pays for the item, THEN shops around a little more and buys a few more things. Uhhhh, where'd the extra money come from? No, I'm not exaggerating. Fun times.

I will never work in retail (again).

All the profit is going toward fixing my beloved laptop that's been out of commission for months. Actually it's probably been unusable for only a month or two, but it seems like forever to me! My poor "Julian" needs a new motherboard just to fix the broken charger port. 'Spencive I tell you, but a necessary fix. I'll be glad to be doing all my internet and computational work from the couch again instead of in an uncomfortable computer chair at a desk. I'm spoiled, I know.

Hope you all have a safe and fun Memorial Day Weekend!

For You

I wrote this for a very dear friend...

Colors deepen when he enters
Shades of green, blue, and red
He sees it spread before him
On a canvas in his head

The hurt is so much sharper
And the joy an incredible lifting
Love and hate from those around him
His emotions have more meaning

A crash of waves in an endless sea
The sunset that cleanses his soul
He breathes in deep, tasting salty air
A moody night, his consciousness full

There’s a world unseen
And layers yet uncovered
In a mind heavy with thought
And a love still undiscovered

Creative Writing

This just came out of me. I have no idea if it fits together at all as one cohesive poem, but whatevah...

Looking for that moment
In a sea of broken clocks
Her heart is keeping time
While she waits for him to knock.

There are cracks in silhouettes
And shattered rays of sun
In the album of her being
Just wanting him to come.

To hear that voice is joyous
With hoping yet undone
She longs for the fulfillment
Of love from only one.

It’s the season of renewal
But her pace is slowing down
There’s a flower in the field
Its petals falling to the ground.

Stuffs

I've been feeling that familiar itch of wanting to do something creative (other than photography, which I do every day) so keep an eye out for some creative writing in the near future.

Yesterday I ordered The Lost Room from Amazon.com. For those of you that haven't heard of this little gem, it's a miniseries that played on the Sci-Fi Channel in December. It's about a cop that finds a key that unlocks any door and takes him to a motel room. From there, he can go anywhere. He is on a journey to uncover the secrets of the Lost Room and it's various artifacts (I'm particularly fond of the comb that stops time for a few seconds) in order to find his daughter that disappeared after getting shut in the Lost Room without the key. I expect the package to come Friday, and I'm very excited to see the story again.

Actually, one of my favorite things about the movie is the visuals. The Sunshine Motel, where the Lost Room is located, is so saturated with color, so run down, and so perfect for my style of photography. So many people see old degraded and abandoned places as ugly, but really, there's so much beauty there.

Below is a photo I took recently of a building on some abandoned property:

Answered Prayers

I've been praying about something most people pray about: money. I haven't been asking the Lord to let me win the lottery, or to get some big inheritance...I've been asking the Lord to show me that my aspirations for my own little career are going to work out, that they have potential. A few weeks ago, I put up flyers all over town advertising pet care services that I was offering, including dog walking and pet sitting. And after fearing that my endeavors to be not only secure with a job, but proud of what I was doing were going nowhere in the route I was taking, I got a call.

On Thursday of this week, I will begin my first pet sitting job. It's just a short, five-day thing for two dogs, and I won't be making any life-altering amount of money, but SOMEONE CALLED! It wasn't a relative taking pity on me, it wasn't a friend of a friend responding to pressure, it was a call from someone I don't know, seeking my services. So, now I know. There is potential. It's possible. And I am so thankful.

Introverted Me

I don't know if my blogs make this obvious or not, but I'm what is called a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP for short. Basically what it means is that I'm more sensitive to things that wouldn't bother the average person. I'm more bothered by tastes, smells, and sounds, I overthink, and I am very introverted on many levels. In some ways, I love the fact that I'm an HSP. I notice the small beauties in life, my highs are higher, and I love very deeply. But on the flip side, my lows are incredibly low, the love I feel can be painfully overwhelming, and many situations make me want to curl up in a ball in a dark corner all by myself just to feel normal again.

When I'm somewhere away from home or if we have company for a few days, it isn't long before I want nothing more than to isolate myself until the company goes away. It's nothing against the people I encounter. In fact, it's often people I love that overwhelm me. I'm just overstimulated, and that's a hard thing for the average person to understand. And this makes me worried about my trip to San Francisco.

I'll be spending the week with my very loving grandparents, and maybe my aunt, her husband, and their two kids. I fear that all of their attention will cause me to withdraw and want to just go home, back to my familiar life...I fear it will steer me away from my goal of becoming independent and moving out of state. I'm worried that if I do withdraw, it will hurt my hosts' feelings. And I'm worried that that will make for a very awkward week indeed.

It's so strange that, when I'm alone, I feel that I can accomplish what I want, that I will be able to be independent. I love my solitude. But at the same time I wish so badly that I could be like everyone else (and by that I mean the Type A people that are most accepted in society) and thrive in the company of others, but I just can't. I find it depressing. I prefer getting lost in my own head, swimming in my thoughts, taking in the world around me as an observer.

At the same time, I long for companionship. It almost seems impossible to find someone that I can be completely comfortable with (as I only am with my parents right now), and maybe even someone like me. They say I'm still young, that I have plenty of time, but I feel like my life so far has yet to be satisfying. And I feel that age has nothing to do with it. I could die tomorrow, so I'd love to find the right path a soon as I can, because you never know when it's going to be over.

I'd love any advice other introverts might have. For now, I'm just going to pray and see where life takes me.

Unconventional

If you asked me to describe myself, one of the words I'd use would be unconventional. And contradictory...but that's another blog. The reason I'd use "unconventional" as a descriptive word is because in many senses, I'm not one to go with the crowd. No, not for the sake of being different, but because there is so much beauty that goes unseen because everyone's too busy following the beaten path.

As I've mentioned once (or twelve) times before, I'm going to San Francisco this summer to see family and meet a very dear friend. While I want to see the sights, it's not necessarily going to be the traditional sights. I'm very fond of discovering little-known places, spots uncrowded by tourists. Actually, my ideal vacation would be exploring an overgrown, private tropical island, living like the characters on "Lost"...except without the Others. Or that spooky smoke monster.

Amusement park rides, dinner theater, hotel pools, and walking on pavement all day is fine for everyone else. So have fun with your Disney World Tickets.

I Am...

This "I Am" poem was an assignment in my Senior Passages class in high school:

I am a paintbrush, bringing the canvas to life.

I am a clenched fist, ready to throw a punch.

I am the color that found its way onto a black and white photograph.

I am the seed being watered by God, growing in His soil, basking in His sunlight.

I am the treasure found in a pile of junk.

I am the fire, consuming all in my path.

I am the one in the spotlight, with all eyes watching.

I am the flower, blossoming in a blizzard.

I am the voice in a silent film.

I am a silent scream.

I am the sheep in wolf's clothing.

I am the mouse that frightens the elephant.