Introverted Me
I don't know if my blogs make this obvious or not, but I'm what is called a Highly Sensitive Person, or HSP for short. Basically what it means is that I'm more sensitive to things that wouldn't bother the average person. I'm more bothered by tastes, smells, and sounds, I overthink, and I am very introverted on many levels. In some ways, I love the fact that I'm an HSP. I notice the small beauties in life, my highs are higher, and I love very deeply. But on the flip side, my lows are incredibly low, the love I feel can be painfully overwhelming, and many situations make me want to curl up in a ball in a dark corner all by myself just to feel normal again.
When I'm somewhere away from home or if we have company for a few days, it isn't long before I want nothing more than to isolate myself until the company goes away. It's nothing against the people I encounter. In fact, it's often people I love that overwhelm me. I'm just overstimulated, and that's a hard thing for the average person to understand. And this makes me worried about my trip to San Francisco.
I'll be spending the week with my very loving grandparents, and maybe my aunt, her husband, and their two kids. I fear that all of their attention will cause me to withdraw and want to just go home, back to my familiar life...I fear it will steer me away from my goal of becoming independent and moving out of state. I'm worried that if I do withdraw, it will hurt my hosts' feelings. And I'm worried that that will make for a very awkward week indeed.
It's so strange that, when I'm alone, I feel that I can accomplish what I want, that I will be able to be independent. I love my solitude. But at the same time I wish so badly that I could be like everyone else (and by that I mean the Type A people that are most accepted in society) and thrive in the company of others, but I just can't. I find it depressing. I prefer getting lost in my own head, swimming in my thoughts, taking in the world around me as an observer.
At the same time, I long for companionship. It almost seems impossible to find someone that I can be completely comfortable with (as I only am with my parents right now), and maybe even someone like me. They say I'm still young, that I have plenty of time, but I feel like my life so far has yet to be satisfying. And I feel that age has nothing to do with it. I could die tomorrow, so I'd love to find the right path a soon as I can, because you never know when it's going to be over.
I'd love any advice other introverts might have. For now, I'm just going to pray and see where life takes me.
When I'm somewhere away from home or if we have company for a few days, it isn't long before I want nothing more than to isolate myself until the company goes away. It's nothing against the people I encounter. In fact, it's often people I love that overwhelm me. I'm just overstimulated, and that's a hard thing for the average person to understand. And this makes me worried about my trip to San Francisco.
I'll be spending the week with my very loving grandparents, and maybe my aunt, her husband, and their two kids. I fear that all of their attention will cause me to withdraw and want to just go home, back to my familiar life...I fear it will steer me away from my goal of becoming independent and moving out of state. I'm worried that if I do withdraw, it will hurt my hosts' feelings. And I'm worried that that will make for a very awkward week indeed.
It's so strange that, when I'm alone, I feel that I can accomplish what I want, that I will be able to be independent. I love my solitude. But at the same time I wish so badly that I could be like everyone else (and by that I mean the Type A people that are most accepted in society) and thrive in the company of others, but I just can't. I find it depressing. I prefer getting lost in my own head, swimming in my thoughts, taking in the world around me as an observer.
At the same time, I long for companionship. It almost seems impossible to find someone that I can be completely comfortable with (as I only am with my parents right now), and maybe even someone like me. They say I'm still young, that I have plenty of time, but I feel like my life so far has yet to be satisfying. And I feel that age has nothing to do with it. I could die tomorrow, so I'd love to find the right path a soon as I can, because you never know when it's going to be over.
I'd love any advice other introverts might have. For now, I'm just going to pray and see where life takes me.
posted by Shelly at
10:21 PM
2 Comments:
E-mail me at californiateacherguy AT gmail DOT com. We can dialogue about the interior life. I too am an introvert. I like who I am. Deep down, I think you like yourself too.
I had a look at some of the Photographs at your PhotoBlog.
They're good enought to have a second look. Thanks for sharing, through this online platform.
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