Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Work Journal

August 24:
I went to work at 2:00pm...when I got in, there was a note from the morning kennel worker: "City 18 [stray] has parvo. Keep him away from the other dogs." I went to the outdoor kennels to see that indeed, the sweet yellow lab that came in just a couple days ago had vomited all over his kennel...I checked all the others, and a very, very young black lab puppy had thrown up all over her kennel as well; she had it too.

I went to the vet tech. and told him it looked like another dog in addition to City 18 was sick. "Okay," he said with a heavy sigh, "We'll have to take care of them before they spread it." I followed him out to the kennels and picked up the black lab pup....then we followed the vet tech. to the garage. He instructed me on how to hold the puppy's little leg in order to make her vein pop up....then he stuck in the needle. The moment all of the liquid entered her body, the pup went limp in my arms. She was gone...I kept petting her little face anyway...

I didn't think it would be so quick....I could never bring myself to be there for any of the times my own pets had to be put down...

"Can you go get the other one?" the tech. asked. "He's going to be a bit more difficult I think."

I went and let County 18 out of his kennel. He was happy, excited, thinking he was being taken somewhere to play. I grabbed his collar and led him to the garage, telling him he was a good boy. The vet tech. showed me the best way to hold the dog so he couldn't struggle as much. The sweetie was even scared when the tech shaved his front leg for the injection....He stuck in the needle and the dog started to cry out. He pulled back and squirmed as the liquid slowly entered his vein. When the needle came out, the dog was still crying out, panicking. I scratched his ear, kissed him, and told him it would be alright.

"I think I'm going to need to give him more," the tech. said as the dog's breathing grew labored and he still fought the drug. I held back tears with all my might.

The tech. injected another dose and finally the dog was silent...though his heart still beat. It took a minute or two before he was finally gone. I didn't stop petting him until that moment.

"This is the part of my job I hate," the vet tech. said. He told me what I needed to do to sanatize myself before coming in contact with the other dogs...my t-shirt was covered in fur from the struggling yellow lab, so the tech. found a smok for me to wear over it. "Are you alright?" he asked me.

"yeah," I said....what else could I say?

It's so unfair. Why can't people take care of their pets? Why do these beautiful, sweet creatures have to suffer because people are so selfish, so neglectful???

The black lab was just a puppy...she never got to know what it was like to be loved...to romp in the grass....to be spoiled by her person.

The yellow lab had so much life in him...he belonged to someone at some point, he wore a regular collar and a flea collar, but his owners didn't care enough to get him his routine shots as a puppy or even come looking for him when he disappeared...he died alone and scared, without the comfort of a familiar face on the floor of a garage.

August 27:
...that my job would be so painful.

They put down nearly all the strays today. Kittens, puppies, grown dogs.

I held it together as best I could until I got home and then broke down telling my parents. I cried like they were my own dear pets. I still feel tears coming as I write this.

When I can I'm going to talk to the vet about his idea for setting up a foster program. I'm going to ask him if there's anything I can do to better publicize these sweet animals for adoption.

This is one of the dogs that was put down today. His name was Scooby. How do I know that? His owners knew he had been picked up and brought to the vet, the other kennel worker knows them and gave them a call when she recognized Scooby. They didn't care enough to come and get him. http://www.flickr.com/photos/melpixie/1244289659/in/photostream/

August 29:
There's going to be a staff meeting on Friday just for myself and the other new kennel worker to discuss how the job is going with the bosses. I'm going to ask them how I can become more involved in spreading the word about adoptable pets. I'm going to ask if I can set up a free website for them, what I can do to help set up the foster program they want to start, etc.

These animals deserve good homes, and they aren't getting the pubicity they need in order to get adopted. I need to change that before my heart breaks into pieces too small to mend.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Rainy Day...

Monday, August 20, 2007

The Job

I started my job at the vet clinic on Thursday. Mostly, I learned the job, and followed my predecessor around both Thursday and Friday. I wasn't on edge like I have been when starting other jobs. I never wished I could just go home and forget I was ever hired. I liked it.

Today was my first day working on my own. I had a couple of mishaps, like spraying myself with the hose...more than once...and I ran a bit behind on finishing chores because I was waiting on one dog to be picked up before I could finish cleaning kennels, but otherwise all went well.

It's hard facing some things, like when a sweet animal has to be put down because no one wants it...but I think I'm doing well with it. I don't want to let go of some of those sad feelings, but I'm not letting them take me over.

So, the point is, I dig my job. Finally.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Thoughts and News

I've finally heard back from the doc at the vet clinic about my job. I start Thursday. Pay is reasonable. Hours are nice. I'm really looking forward to it, I think it will bring some good changes for me.

I'm still stuck on many things in my life. I don't know if this little town will ever be enough to make me happy...my best friend thinks I need to be in a bigger city...part of me agrees. Part of me wants to stay in this familiar little place, even if it often feels toxic. I crave the anonymity that comes with a big city...but I love the quiet simplicity of smaller towns. I don't like suburbs much. They feel fake, forced. I want exposure to eclectic life, yet I also like traditional living.

I've said this before; I'm a girl of many contradictions.

There's got to be a happy medium somewhere, right?

Sunday, August 05, 2007

My Life

I am perpetually restless. Most of the time, I'm just not happy with what I'm doing...and I have no idea what I could do to satisfy myself. I feel like I'm constantly in limbo. As I write this, I'm not sure if it's what I want to do.

I know what I want.

And I have no idea what I want.

It's...uncool.

I love using words to express how I'm feeling, and I don't even know what words to use right now.

It sounds more devestating than it is, I think. It's more like a quiet uneasiness. A silent overwhelming.

My life.