Ramblings and a Poem

I feel like there are tons of things in my head, topics to write on, reasons to exbound...but I can't get it to come together....or organize itself. I start writing something, then change my mind and delete it. Perhaps it will take more time for me to get it all together, because I do love to share with my dear readers...when my brain works properly.

For now, I shall leave you with a poem I wrote for the friend I met in San Francisco:

Warmth in one moment
But only through his eyes
He breathes the city deeply
Still grasping his disguise

The light below, it beckons
With promises of life
He captures it inside his head
But not without great strife

There’s a toll for greater love
The price is deeper pain
But he would rather take the hurt
With the glory he can gain

He doesn’t know they’re watching him
But very few can see
The admiration’s immeasurable
And it could set him free

Home

Hello my friends, I'm home from my California vacation! Some of it was awful...ok, a good portion of it was awful, but the good parts? Well, they were amazing. Potentially life-changing even.


I had the best weekend of my life with my best friend, taking pictures, talking, just sitting and taking things in. I could be myself and feel good about it, which was a wonderful gift. I learned a lot from him photography wise, especially in the area of low-light photography. It was just one of those times that was such a treasure, I really like to keep most of it to myself, and I think the experience will become a pivotal memory in my life.


I went to my first professional baseball game with my brother, we saw the Oakland A's. They won, which was great for my brother, but the reason I loved the experience so much was because of how relaxed the environment is, and how American I felt just being there.

I'm so glad to be home though, and I'm so exhausted from the whole trip! Tomorrow I'm doing a little trial run to see if I like the vet job I interviewed for. That's right, the job will be offered to me if I like it, which I'm fairly certain I will!

Maybe I'll elaborate more on the trip later, but for now, this is all my tired brain will let me squeeze out.

I can't choose who I love...

I made the mistake of going to the Humane Society in a nearby town today...and I fell in love.

The dog's name is Midnight. She's Sheltie/Austrailian Shepherd mix. Out of all the dogs at the shelter - The doxies, the pit bulls, the labs - Midnight's sweet little soul touched me. She was melancholy and loving. People walked past her cage because she wasn't like all the others, begging for attention. I knelt down and reached my fingers through her cage door to pet her and she sat up and accepted my love, silently wagging her tail. I made kissing noises at her and she leaned in closer to her door as if poised for a kiss....then when I brought my face close to hers, she gave me gentle kisses.

I could see such...quiet love in her eyes. She was lovely.

No, I didn't take her home. I live with my parents and they weren't sure. I just feel something from Midnight that makes me want to be hers. And she needs a home, she deserves to be loved and spoiled. I talked with my parents and they agreed to let me email the humane society to ask more about Midnight, see if she does well with other animals, what her history is, etc.

Maybe when I get back from California I'll have a new furry child to spoil...

Ashop Commerce

The following is a paid posting:

For a while now my dad and I have been working on the idea of opening an online store for me to sell my original photography. I have a domain, my dad knows html, but there's one more very important thing a person needs to have: shopping cart software.

Now, there are tons of choices out there, some free, some not, and it's up to you to do your research and find what works best for you. I'd like to tell you about one option called Ashop Commerce. The company is a leading provider in hosted shopping cart software. You can take advantage of a ten day free trial to see how the system works for you. The shopping cart is "integrated with all major banks, gateways and third party processors including PayPal," according to the website and advice is offered on credit card processing facilities.

Ashop Commerce is the 2006 Fuji Xerox Business Awards Winner. The website also offers website design and domain registry among other things, so you can start from scratch if you like.

Smorty

The following is a paid posting:

I have joined yet another paid blogging service. It seems they're everywhere these days, and I'm really glad for the opportunity to make some money. It's called Smorty, and using it, I get paid to blog things like this. On the flip side, companies can advertise on blogs so people like me can bring more attention to their services.

This is my first assignment with the company so I have yet to experience the posting approval process, though I can say that my blog in its entirety was approved in just hours, I've had no trouble logging in, my instructions are clear, and the website is easy to navigate. When I signed up, all I had to do was give them basic information about myself and my blog and I recieved an email instantly letting me know my information was being processed.

If you're already doing some paid blogging or are interested in starting, I really do recommend trying out Smorty. Heck, it's even fun to say!

Radiator.com

The following is a paid posting:

I know next to nothing about the inner workings of a car. I do know, at least from observing my brother, that a lot of people like to browse car parts on the internet to find more variety and better deals. Radiator.com looks like a great place to start your search for, you guessed it, automotive radiators. They keep a full stock of Honda and Acura radiators including the Accord Radiator.

Most conveniently, the website is setup so that customers who aren't exactly automotive experts can read up on informative articles, and even find a local mechanic to install the part they order. Since there is no "middleman", meaning you don't have to go through the extra cost of buying through a shop or retail store, parts available directly through the distributor are more affordable.

Writing

Some poetry I wrote representing myself and a dear friend:

Everything moves
With a swaying of the wind
Hair in his eyes
Thoughts stirring in his head

Such life in a moment
Such fear in her mind
Leaves cross the path
In the painting of her life

Connections of depth
Parallel thoughts
Colors and shadows
On a black sea of hope

Sensitive love
Intensified dreams
A world of nothings
So vital in their eyes

It’s moments and feelings
Of the quiet rebellion
It holds no intentions
In the fight for existence

________________________________


Sinking so slowly
In the quicksand of her mind
Consumed by emotion
Reasons not hard to find

The trees fall away
The grass ripples on the ground
Skies under her feet
The earth moves with no sound

In one moment it changes
Color flooding the plains
A painting in abstract
No more weighted by chains

If it could just last
If heart could be upheld
If fiction were real
If logic rebelled

Her heart would be swelling
Her eyes filled with tears
Out of joy for impossible
And the death of her fears

Nine Days...

Nine Days until my trip to California. I just realized that. I'm a mixture of apprehensive and excited. It will be my first time flying alone and only my second time flying at all. I like flying, but I'm worried about who I'll be seated with. There are a lot of weirdos out there...

I'm sad about having to leave my sweet doggie here without me. I'm going to miss her tons.

I hate packing, it's so stressful. I'm worried about taking too much or too little. I'm worried they'll lose my luggage. I mull over all the little details in my head imagining what could go wrong. I worry about getting lost at the airport. I'm afraid something might happen to my camera, lenses, and laptop, even though I'll be carrying them with me.

And at the same time? I'm not worried at all. I just want to do it and enjoy myself. I want to live a moment without too much analysis, without dependence on another, without anxiety.

I think it'll be good. I just cant believe it's only nine days away!

Distance Learning

The following is a paid posting:

Those of you looking into distance learning might be interested in a book by Capella University staff member, Sara Orem, PhD., and co-authored by Jacqueline Binkert, PhD, and Ann Clancy, PhD.
called 'Appreciative Coaching: A Positive Process for Change'. The book is said to guide the reader through four important steps called Discovery, Dream, Design and Destiny to inspire and empower the reader for the future.

Capella University, a fully online school, has been around since 1993 and is accredited. It offers graduate degree programs in business, information technology, education, human services, and psychology, and bachelor’s degree programs in business and information technology. The school is headquartered in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

The Water

Ever since watching a fireworks show from the nearby lake this week, I've found myself drawn to the water. A friend visiting from college and I went to one of the small beaches today, and I just let the water wash over my feet, letting myself sink into the sand. This weekend my dad and I may be going to the nearby Platte River so I can take pictures and walk in the water. There's something so calming about water and it's made me feel closer to God.

It's also made my life so confusing in my eyes. As I watch the steady flow of the crystaline liquid, seeing through it so easily to the pebbles below, I feel more unclear about my future than ever. I'm worried that I won't get the job I interviewed for and it will take even longer for me become independent. I'm worried that I will get the job and it will keep me here longer than I want to be. I wonder if I should start out living on my own in the town I grew up in. I wonder if that would make me too comfortable in this small community, a place where I have no friends, where I feel I am misunderstood, and end up too fearful to make the move out of this place. And still, I'm scared that if I did make that big move out to California, or wherever, I won't last, I'll become cripplingly homesick, and end up coming back more discouraged than ever.

I think for now I just need to pray and see how things come together, see if I get that job, see if I fall in love with California...see if I fall in love. They say everything works itself out in the end. I hope that's true.

Happy Fourth!

This was the view from my back yard...

The Interview: How it Went...

It was alright. I was honest, I expressed further interest in the position after learning more about the duties I would have, I felt comfortable with the Doc and his wife, but I don't think I made an outstanding impression. Not that I was unenthusiastic, but I'm a fairly subdued person with people outside my family, so maybe I wasn't excited enough about the prospect of working for them...and maybe I'm just paranoid.

I don't know yet if I got the job, they had one more person to interview. I do know that if I do get the job, I won't have to start until after I return from California, which would be very nice. I know that I'd do well in this job, and I really think I could enjoy it, which actually, for the first time in my life, has me HOPING I'll get the job.

I was pretty scared about meeting them in a restaurant I was unfamiliar with, but they found me almost right away, so I didn't feel like an idiot for too long...in the beginning. Unfortunately, at the end of the interview as I was getting out of the booth, I forgot that it was a step above the rest of the floor and tripped. I didn't fall though!

I'm so graceful. Hee.

Contentment

What is it that keeps some of us from contentment? Many people are waiting for that lasting relationship. Some are looking for the perfect career. Some of us seem to have everything, yet we aren't satisfied.

Are we too idealistic? Are we too resistant to a little bit of compromise? Do we become so focused on what we DON'T have, that it makes us forget what we do, and what blessings surround us?

What is it you feel your life is missing when you're discontent or unhappy? Are you looking close enough to find what it is you desire? Are you always waiting for something or someone better to come along?

Some people (including me) feel as though they've found the best thing, yet they can't have it. Others feel as if they're walking blind, grasping the air, hoping to encounter that one thing they have yet to discover.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I wish you all contentment, my friends, that you find what it is you feel you are missing, or maybe come to realize that you're missing nothing at all.

The Interview

My interview for the job at the vet is tomorrow. I'm meeting the Doc at a local restaurant. I'm terrified. I'm afraid that I won't get the job. I'm afraid that I WILL get the job. I'm afraid of telling the Doc about my HSP condition, and him not understanding, but I need to tell him for my own well-being if I do get hired.

Unknown details are so scary for me. I haven't been in the building the restaurant is in since I was about six years-old. I'm worried that I'll go at the wrong time, that I'll be late, that I'll be early, that he'll be there and I won't see him. That he won't be there and I won't know what to do. This is what goes through my head constantly. It's quite tiring, and quite overwhelming.

Wish me luck.