The Water

Ever since watching a fireworks show from the nearby lake this week, I've found myself drawn to the water. A friend visiting from college and I went to one of the small beaches today, and I just let the water wash over my feet, letting myself sink into the sand. This weekend my dad and I may be going to the nearby Platte River so I can take pictures and walk in the water. There's something so calming about water and it's made me feel closer to God.

It's also made my life so confusing in my eyes. As I watch the steady flow of the crystaline liquid, seeing through it so easily to the pebbles below, I feel more unclear about my future than ever. I'm worried that I won't get the job I interviewed for and it will take even longer for me become independent. I'm worried that I will get the job and it will keep me here longer than I want to be. I wonder if I should start out living on my own in the town I grew up in. I wonder if that would make me too comfortable in this small community, a place where I have no friends, where I feel I am misunderstood, and end up too fearful to make the move out of this place. And still, I'm scared that if I did make that big move out to California, or wherever, I won't last, I'll become cripplingly homesick, and end up coming back more discouraged than ever.

I think for now I just need to pray and see how things come together, see if I get that job, see if I fall in love with California...see if I fall in love. They say everything works itself out in the end. I hope that's true.