Young and Restless

For the record, I have never seen that soap opera.

I'm so very restless, dear readers. I feel so stuck here in my little bubble, in this little town that has been my home for 20 years. Still, after those 20 years...I'm a stranger in this town. I wrote in my last post about the possibility of moving to Omaha. Well, it seems that isn't going to work out for various reasons.

So, my mind has wondered further. Much further. To California. My mother is from California, and for some reason I always pictured myself ending up there. I HATE the snowy winters that come with a life in Nebraska, and I've always longed for access to the ocean. As a result, I've taken to searching the Internet for possible jobs in the Los Angeles area (dog sitting/walking, baby!) and have even browsed through roommate wanted listings.

Logically, I tell myself that such a dream is impossible, at least this year. But another part of me says that I'll never get to where I want to be without taking some chances. I'm too afraid to consider moving toward such a goal. And I'm too afraid not to.

I was sitting in the dark watching a movie tonight at my brother's church youth activity center. It was just him, me, and my dog Pepsi. I sat in a comfy chair, my feet were resting upon a bean bag, and Pepsi slept between them. An overwhelming feeling of independence came over me. I thought, I could do this, and I could be happy. An unfamiliar life in an unfamiliar place, just me and Pepsi. I think I could do it.

Still, I'm terrified. How do I go about this? Would I chicken out once it all became real? Would I be okay without my parents within arm's reach? I don't know.

But I'd like to think I could.