There's Earth on My Hands...
Yesterday was a sad one for me. I felt so overwhelmed by the losses I've endured this year, and I just let it overcome me and disable me. I spent the day on the couch, just letting all the pain come through and getting as much of the feelings out as I could. I ended it with a good sob session last night, just before I fell asleep.
Then, this morning, it rained. I could hear the falling droplets collide with the earth as I lay half awake in my bed. Thinking of it now, it's like the shower was the earthly representation of a personal cleansing that took place as I slept over night. I woke up today feeling a little better. The sadness and emptiness is still there, of course, but it doesn't hurt quite so much, it doesn't overwhelm me. I told myself I wouldn't wallow today, that I would get something done. And I did.
After a trip to the store, my father and I did some work out back, with Dharma and Pepsi out with us, and it felt so good. We planted a sweet little flower plant that my dad bought me at the store in a cool ceramic barrel-like planter from our old house, and I decided to dedicate it to my late Pekinese, Mel. I edged out Perky's grave with old hand-made bricks, just like I did with Stormy's, and it looks really nice. I think the physicality of the work I did with her resting spot, and making it look manicured and representative of the love I still feel for her, was really helpful in my coping process. Dad and I also transplanted some Hen and Chicks plants to a spot under our beautiful Quaking Aspen in the back yard. We also skimmed out the pool and then relaxed in the sun for a while. It was great to get some things done, to do something that showed a tangible result.
Now, I'm resting on the couch, with Pepsi snuggled up against me and Dharma asleep on next cushion over. They're pooped from their time in the sun, but I'm sure it's the good kind of pooped, the kind that I feel. The kind of lovely, sun soaked tiredness that puts a smile on my face. Gosh I miss my babies that have gone, but I love the ones I have so much. It's been a healing day.
Then, this morning, it rained. I could hear the falling droplets collide with the earth as I lay half awake in my bed. Thinking of it now, it's like the shower was the earthly representation of a personal cleansing that took place as I slept over night. I woke up today feeling a little better. The sadness and emptiness is still there, of course, but it doesn't hurt quite so much, it doesn't overwhelm me. I told myself I wouldn't wallow today, that I would get something done. And I did.
After a trip to the store, my father and I did some work out back, with Dharma and Pepsi out with us, and it felt so good. We planted a sweet little flower plant that my dad bought me at the store in a cool ceramic barrel-like planter from our old house, and I decided to dedicate it to my late Pekinese, Mel. I edged out Perky's grave with old hand-made bricks, just like I did with Stormy's, and it looks really nice. I think the physicality of the work I did with her resting spot, and making it look manicured and representative of the love I still feel for her, was really helpful in my coping process. Dad and I also transplanted some Hen and Chicks plants to a spot under our beautiful Quaking Aspen in the back yard. We also skimmed out the pool and then relaxed in the sun for a while. It was great to get some things done, to do something that showed a tangible result.
Now, I'm resting on the couch, with Pepsi snuggled up against me and Dharma asleep on next cushion over. They're pooped from their time in the sun, but I'm sure it's the good kind of pooped, the kind that I feel. The kind of lovely, sun soaked tiredness that puts a smile on my face. Gosh I miss my babies that have gone, but I love the ones I have so much. It's been a healing day.
posted by Shelly at
4:52 PM
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